Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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