He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
worst night to have a conscience
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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