Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
