I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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