Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
