loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
