i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize