fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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