I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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