At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
