I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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