he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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