come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
two words...techno handjob
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
