If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
