I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
false alarm, still single
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
