I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
