her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
