Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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