I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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