Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
