I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
