That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
