so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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