My sheets look like a crime scene.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
