I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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