If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
