Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
