I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
