The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
