Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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