I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
