Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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