I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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