Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
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I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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