After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
