Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
