I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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