This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
