I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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