Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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