I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
