Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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