Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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