ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
where does the pee come out of this thing
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
