If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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