i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
