What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
