so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
