I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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