I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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