I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
