census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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