you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
