yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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