i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm really busy with my period
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