pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
