Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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