Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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