Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize