He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
