Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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